MICHAEL JACKSON STILL DEAD

Major offensive in Afghanistan offends many, as US troops withdraw from Iraq.

Experts say Michael jacksons is still dead and left all his debts to his children.

US jobless figures worst than expected many people still working.

Fiscal emergency in California Arnold Schwarzenegger cant count.

World condemns leaders of banana repulics, business writes them a cheque.

In the uk Great train robber biggs refused parole cos hes still a bit cocky…

Hello economic slaves welcome to the fkn newz , im hardly breathing here are the headlies tonight..
The US army says it has launched a major offensive against the Taliban in south Afghanistan’s Helmand province. about 4,000 marines as well as 650 Afghan troops are involved, supported by Nato planes.A Taliban spokesman said … were very offended by the offensive, your still killing us because we didnt hand over Osama bin laden ? for fucks sake you people really hold a grudge dont you, geez give it up that was a long time ago, dont you have other things to do, it s not like we all attacked you is it , so our leader at the time was an asshole, yours was too, but were not holding it against you , . in a totally related story , Six years after the lies about WMD led to the invasion of Iraq and the assassination er toppling of Saddam Hussein, Iraqi troops are assuming control of their own insecurity as US combat forces withdraw from urban centers to camps just up the road a bit. In Iraq commentators are optimistic that Iraqis will manage to be bombed to death by warring ethnic and religious factions without a US presence but warned of other challenges to security, without metioning the CIA blowing things up and blaming it on Iran. Security duties have formally been handed over to new Iraqi forces. A public holiday has been declared, and the capital, Baghdad, held a giant party to mark the eve of the changeover. Despite the pullback, US troops will still occupy er be embedded in Iraqi. Moron that story later

Much of the worlds news for the last week has been dedicated hahah, to the fact that Michael jackson is still dead, many experts in death have stated that he will remain dead and that resurrection is extremely unlikely unless it turns out he is either the Antichrist or the second coming.. In his will which has been filed in a Los Angeles court, he leaves his entire debt to his family .The singer who died last week also stipulates his body is to be melted down and turned into toys, so children can play with him for a change. Meanwhile, figures show Jackson had the three top-selling US albums last week – each shifting more than 100,000 copies.
His record campany is said to be overjoyed er i mean devestated by his death…

In other news ..The number of jobs lost in the US last month came in at 467,000, which was much lower than had been expected. Since the start of the recession in December 2007, the number of jobless people has risen by 7.2 million, the Department of Labor went on not to say, “The job market is terrible. It’s as bad as we’ve seen in our lifetime,” but its not going to be enough if we want to save the planet , I m calling on all gainfully employed people to give unemployment a chance , just try it for a while, think of the trees youll be saving , the melting ice caps youll protect, “The light at the end of tunnel is that the recession may be longer and deeper than predicted ” but dont wait for it , go home now, stop working , stop shopping and everything will be much better much sooner
The governor of California has declared a fiscal emergency in the US state to address a budget deficit of some $24.3bn (£14.5bn). California has been one of the US states hardest hit by the recession.The moves comes after state legislators missed a 1 July deadline to approve a budget for the coming financial year.
Many people claim Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger caused The emergency because he cant count. These stories are outrageous I have a large staff of very clever people who count for me, also i can count with the help of my fingers..one two 3 4 5 once i cought a fish alive 6…7….er well come back to that story later

Leaders of banana republics have tried many ways to hang on to power over the years coups, rigged elections, military force and others , now it seems other countries apart from America are getting in on the act..The newly installed government in Honduras has rejected international calls to restore ousted President Manuel Zelaya to power. Elections in Guinea-Bissau to replace assassinated President Joao Bernardo Vieira are to go to a second round, and Niger’s President Mamadou Tandja has undermined a decade of good government in his attempts to stay in power beyond the legal limit by dissolving the constitutional court and parliament in his bid for a third term. While democratic government s decry this behavior and publicly distance themselves from the regimes, western corporations enjoy nothing more than writing big cheques to these tinpot dictators securing Nigeria oil reserves for peanuts, Honduran tax havens for a song and a handy trans europe drug port in Guinea-Bissauf for CIA er i mean organized crimes cocain shipments

Great Train Robber Ronnie Biggs is set to die in jail er I mean appeal against the government’s decision to refuse him parole. Justice Secretary Jack Straw rejected a recommendation by the Parole Board which backed the release of Biggs, 79. Mr Straw said biggs had flouted the authority of the school er country , Biggs had chosen not to obey the rules er law and tried to avoid the consequences of his decision. In announcing his decision on Wednesday, he said: mp’s fiddling millions of pounds in expenses is nothing like a group of people pinching someone elses money , im more than happy for mp’s to get of scot free for being thieving scum while i use this old robber for political capital ..Mr biggs who cannot speak , move, eat, swallow , or walk as a result of several strokes , didnt say fuck of your hypocritical tosser..

Thanks and now the weather

A heatwave in the UK has failed to kill many people tho The Met Office has raised its heatwave alert level as hot and humid conditions look set to continue until Friday it has cautioned people not to expect it to last or to herald the end of the world as we know it thro rising sea levels and catastrophic drought..have a nice weekend

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