Large numbers of impoverished brown people who normally die in the street and remain in diseased poverty will soon rise up and CELEBRATE! Yes, folks – Brazil is in town and ready to qualify for the next stage of the 2010 World Cup.
Moron that story in a moment.
Italy 2010 was a failed campaign but is it any wonder? Could the new TV 3D HD 16:9 Televisual Technology be to blame? History shows just how sensitive Italians are to new technologies! Here, for example,”
“it’s little wonder Italy’s game against Chile in 1962 deteriorated into chaos, they’re all wearing the same colour shirt! The players must have been going mad just trying to pass the ball…”
Meanwhile, in a shock of unprecedented proportions, it has been learned that the Queens Dinner – an official engagement to mark the start of Wombledon, the world famous grassy knoll tennis championship has been delayed because a first round match between Mohamed Al Quada Iqbal and Johnny Crisp is still in progress and entering its 24th consecutive day!
The match is currently all square in games in the final set with the scores tied at 666 – 666…
Lets return to soccer-balls briefly, as our in depth reporter Mank Harvin is LIVE in and outside a 4 Star Hotel somewhere in one of the whiter areas of S Africa on the outskirts of a darker place. “Hello, Mank! Can you hear us?”
Mank Harvin: “DUUUCCKKK!! – Jesus, that was close, fellas…what? Oh, ok. Hello, yes I can hear you.”
FKN SPORTZ: “Any news on why the French refused to play?”
Mank: “Yes, they are. And, frankly I am not suprised, really, not suprised at all!”
FKN SPORTZ: “Wow, that bad huh? What’s the story?”
Mank: “Well, the showers don’t work as expected, several players and staff had been mugged and the level of room service was very poor, that was to be expected. We all knew these things going into the tournament. But what happened one day at lunch – well that was the final straw for this team. The escargos were burnt!!!!”
FKN SPORTZ: “What’s that? The snails were actually burnt? At a 4 star restaurant for the French team??? – I don’t believe it! Its FKN Incredible!!! Mank! Are you still there Mank?”
Mank: (off) look here’s 200 bucks, ok. Honestly, it’s all I have left, just take it please, “Hello FKN? Yeah we are still here, but who knows how much longer?” (off) Look leave me alone, that’s the third time now…
FKN SPORTZ: “Wow! Mank Harvin reporting live – as far as we know – over and out Mank ‘ole buddy!”
And we will be watching that story very closely as the countdown closes in on the final stages where, quite literally, anything could happen.
Just in, newz that dinner has finally been served at Wombledon, the Queen tucking into a bowl of Andy Murrays defference berries covered in the cream of fawning socialites.
And that’s a wrap for this edition of FKN SPORTZ – see you in a half hour!!!
Nicholas Woottton-Jones
