FKN Newz

Warmonger replaces warmonger with warmonger mongering of war can continue
oil spilling profit mongers BP say Gulf oil spill is consumers fault so fuck off
Hamas leader calls for international aid flotilla of guns bombs and helicopters
In the UK emergency budget may have no effect on chancellors wealthy chums

Hello innocent bystanders welcome to the fkn newz im coming in her face here are the headlies tonight…

President warmonger Obama has replaced his chief warmonger Stanley McCrystal with a much bigger warmonger in the war torn country of Afghanistan where war has been mongered for nearly ten years. The new warmonger is expected to begin warmongering immediately. The change in warmonger comes after McCrystal was quoted not saying “I love killing I wish the president would let me kill more,he’s such a pussy , i might have to kill him as well Here is President Obama announcing the changes. I don’t have to take this shit ..I am the president of the oo niteed states of america and I call the fkn shots.The people of afghanistan have right to expect more from their warmongers than this , General Mcchrystals comments were deeply honest , factual and accurate , these are things we cannot afford as a nation of lying , murdering fascist scum’s I have made the decision to replace Gen. McChrystal “with considerable regret” . his comments eroded trust and “undermined the corporate control of the military that’s at the core of our corporate controlled military , er anyway , I am the man and don’t let any of you honky kill and pray fukkers forget it, I may be the puppet of a few wealthy election financiers, unable to give away health care or stop an oil leak but at least I can fire your skinny white ass without having to ask my boss.Now everybody shut the fuck up and get back to killing arabs like yo supposed to. General mcChrystal will not be returning to Afbeckstaniranpak – rumour has it he will be redeployed to the Gulf of Mexico to kill Oil and command the counter leaks urgency going on there…

In a related story BP chief executive Tony Hayward has told US Congressional panel his firm ignored dangers when drilling in the Gulf of Mexico, because twats what consumers want , twats what The US government wants and to pretend otherwise is a hypocritical FKN delusion. going on not to Say – You want the truth , you cant handle the truth , well maybe you can , so here it is, – we all want cheap gas , you want it ,I want it, the president wants it. None of us give a fuck about the damage to Nigeria or any other part of the world where we drill spill and never clean up , its only in america your politicians have to pretend they give a fuck that this is a problem , right now all over earth were fucking up some of the most beautiful and rare ecosystems on earth ..what have you got to say about that …nothing nada , niente, why ? because you want cheap oil , and as long as you don’t see the mess you don’t give a fuck ..am i right ? rights why are we drilling in 5 miles of ocean , where if anything goes wrong were fucked …? ill tell you , its because we all want cheap gas , now get off my fucking back you douche bags, the day you stop pumping oil into your giant gas guzzling tin cans is the day well stop drilling and spilling until then pay up and shut up. now fuck off and leave me alone, ive got checks to write

Imaginary Hamas leaders have criticised the recent flotilla of aid ships as being “futile , ineffective cowardly intellectual posturing” and a waste of the lives of those who died. In a made up interview with FKN Newz a Hamas spokesperson didn’t say…How about you send us some guns you stinking cowards , were FKN dyeing here , they bomb our homes, our schools, our hospitals and you watch. Our women die at their checkpoints our children are starving to death and you watch. We are fighting for our lives against one of the most technologically advanced armed forces on earth, we are out numbered , out gunned and surrounded, what do you send ? Blankets! are you fkn serious , you don’t think we have enough fkn blankets , every time the Israelis bomb fuck out of the UN send us FKN blankets , what you think maybe the bombs will bounce of you fkn blankets ….
How about you send us some Apache helicopters and Tanks eh , how about you even up the odds a little eh , a few surface to air missiles or bazookas would help.
We both know you r not going to do that , because you are filthy cowards, ”oh its terrible , oh its awful , oh i can barely stand to watch and write my newspaper column condemning the nasty y Israelis ooh dear oh dear but you not going to do anything at all , ever… Your going to watch us die, your going to shake your heads and tut and say its so sad while we are murdered slowly , day after day , year after year, while you watch it happen and send us more fkn blankets.
Well fuk you , you can keep your fkn blankets , and your fkn chocolate bars , if twats all your going to do , fuk you all, and thanks for nothing.

In the UK chancellor george osborne has given an emergency budget, detailing The toughest Budget package of spending cuts and tax increases in a generation, George Osborne made much of this being a Budget that protects the rich. if you are a lowly paid public sector worker, or someone on benefits, or a young mum or someone who relies heavily on public services you’ll just have to suck it up, after all its your fault the banks failed isn’t it, what were you thinking investing your depositors money in get rich quick debt consolidation products..The chancellor didn’t say – “ bailing out my chums in banking cost a lot of dosh you know and you lot have got to pay for it hooray haw my “tough but fair” Budget – which will leave most people £400 a year worse off , wont bother my very wealthy friends at all you know, especially since i cut corporation tax and only the slaves er workers are paying the nat ins rise haw haw..”I’m not claiming that people are immediately better off as a result of the Budget er accept my chums in big business especially the ones I went drinking with at college…heres me with my old pals Look their Nathaniel Rothchild who’s family and a few other wealth families now own this country , its them that we owe all the money to you know , well when i say we i mean you , my families moneys all tied up in offshore overseas funds haw haw
Amongst other budget measures I have given more power to the bank of england , it was after all they who oversaw the financial crisis and allowed banks to over extend themselves , nearly bankrupting the country and allowing international finaciers to control our economy and our lives, its only fitting that they should have more power to do so again , er i mean… well anyway, I commend this budget to the house, now lets all be oof to dinner at Boris’s tootle pip

MAIN BUDGET MEASURES

* VAT increase
* Public sector pay freeze
* Child benefit frozen
* Housing benefit cuts
* Disability Living Allowance cuts
* Tax cut for lowest paid
* Two year council tax freeze
* Capital Gains Tax increased
* Bank levy
* NI tax holiday for job creation outside South-East of England